blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
