She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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