i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
