The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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