I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
