you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
