I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
