It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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