Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
