im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
