if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
