You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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