It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
