You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
