I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
