Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
