I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
