so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im six kinds of drunk right now
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
