i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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