It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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