oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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