Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
