Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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