I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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