the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
