He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
