who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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