Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
