After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
