Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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