I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
