ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
