hell yes lets make some ravioli
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
