you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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