Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
