Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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