I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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