no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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