I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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