woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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