then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
