I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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