Sponge bath it is.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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