glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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