wanna go halves on a baby?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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