ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
