i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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