Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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