Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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