he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
where are my eyebrows?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
