that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
