My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
