New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
