its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
