I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
