Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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