So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
