and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
