sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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