So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
