Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
