How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
