The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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