Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need moral support for this bender
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
