Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
