U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
