as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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