I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
