We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
