idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
